What Should Making “amends” Mean When Someone Gets Clean From a Drug Addiction?…?
Question by tihspidaru: What should making “amends” mean when someone gets clean from a drug addiction?…?
11 years ago i tried to help a long time childhood friend that was in a rut back in our home town…we grew up together so i felt that i could help him…i bought him a plane ticket from michigan to arizona so that he could get a teaching position as they were plentiful there…i lent/sent him money to get things settled and so he could get a place to stay when he got in arizona…the very first night he was in arizona he stole my car…i didn’t see him until four days later when he showed up at my door looking like total crap and without my car…to find out, he had gone on a crack and meth binge blowing all of the money he had and the money i had left him…he had “sold” my car to get more drugs…the car was recovered wrecked and with total engine damage…me and a friend took him to a rehab place where he could live…he would have to work and pay them from what he made and go through all their programs…well, in no time he got kicked out of that for not following the rules (not getting high)…i only heard from him a few times when he would try and con money out of me and ask me for a ride…now 11 years later he finally contacts me telling me he has his life together and has been clean for 7 years and is getting married, is getting his masters degree, has a 4 bedroom house, and 2 cars…he has apologized and said he needed to make “amends” with me…well, i am very happy he has his life together…this person basicaly ripped me off and cost me thousands of dollars…since that time i have went on disability due to neck and back injuries and now live a very meager life in an efficiency apartment with no car and absolutely no extra money to even be able to go to a movie once a month…is sorry supposed to make up what he did to me?…i am happy for him, but should he not pay me back the money that his “drugging” cost me?…i forgive him, but how is just saying sorry supposed to make everything right?…would it be wrong for me to ask that he pay me back, especialy when he is doing so well and i am not now?…thank you for any advice you can give me…and i don’t need to hear how stupid i was for helping him when he had “used” my generosity before!…thanks, i already know that!…lol…
believe me when i say that i take all the answers i get on here to heart…it has been said that i am bitter…well, i guess i am in a way…when i helped him fly out he was supposed to have been sober…he was supposed to pay me back when he got “things going” in his “new” life…i try to forgive and i can forget about payback on a plane ticket bought and money i lent him…should i be such a big man and not expect payback on my car he wrecked and the money i had to spend on getting a new engine after fixing the body damage?…is the person that got hurt due to someone being on drugs always supposed to be the “bigger” person?…i do not ask for help from anyone, but with my situation now, i could sure use help from someone that i had helped many times in the past…should payback on a vehicle he wrecked and ruined be considered “soliciting” help from him?
Best answer:
Answer by me
i don’t see anything wrong with asking for your money back.
however, you should be aware that you have not forgiven him if you do, though.
Answer by youwho46
first i would never tell you that you are stupid for helping a friend….however that is what happens sometimes, its by know means fair however that’s life sometimes …….you say you have forgiven him but im not sure you have…it doesn’t sound that way to me ..you sound bitter about your situation now and its easy to project those feelings onto him……….what if you were in a different place in your life right now, would you still feel the same way about his trying to ‘amend’ it with you ?? ….also you are angry cause you are expecting something from him now because of what you did for him before?? let that be a lesson about giving then……give freely without expecting the same in return in money or love…….or in the end this is what happens !! resentment!
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